The Unspoken
“Grandpa Got Kicked Off the Internet Again” finds value in comic perspective, where a small disaster becomes a story worth keeping because of how it is told. The line “But I clicked some ad with a squirrel in a suit…” exposes the tension underneath the song: fun as a legitimate part of memory, identity, and relationship. That is why the recurring image of rain matters: it suggests renewal, melancholy, or emotion finally allowed to fall. Because the lyric speaks from inside the feeling, its idea arrives as confession and discovery rather than instruction. The lyric’s arrival at “They say the cloud remembers all you do…” matters because what survives is the permission to enjoy personality, mess, and comic exaggeration.
Grandpa Got Kicked Off the Internet Again - Lyrics
They say the internet connects the world.
Well, last week I connected to a goat auction and accidentally bought six.
I tried signin’ up for Facebook twice,
Used my email, then my neighbor’s wife’s.
Clicked somethin’ wrong and my screen went black
Now I’m banned from Poke-a-Pal and Coupon Yak.
I thought TikTok was a clockin’ app,
So I filmed myself nappin’ in my chicken trap.
Got three million views, a goat sponsorship,
Then lost it all for showin’ my hip.
Grandpa got kicked off the internet again,
All I typed was biscuits — not a mortal sin.
But I clicked some ad with a squirrel in a suit…
Now I’m flagged in six countries and blocked from my flute!
I once tried Zoom for my book club talk,
Ended up in a meeting for left-footed rock.
Said howdy folks! — then heard a scream,
Turns out I interrupted a vampire stream.
Tried dating apps but I don’t know how,
Swiped right on a possum, we’re married now.
I said she’s furry — they said Sir, that’s not safe.
Now I gotta fax my love notes like it’s ‘98.
Grandpa got kicked off the internet again,
For askin' Google, Do chickens like men?
I posted one meme and a pork recipe,
Now Russia’s watchin’ and my fridge blocked me.
They say the cloud remembers all you do…
Well the cloud just showed me in my birthday suit.
And that ain’t the rain I prayed for, friend…
Lord delete me, and please don’t resend!
Grandpa got kicked off the internet again,
Gonna write my poems with a ballpoint pen.
If you need me now, don’t send no links
Just yell real loud or send me some drinks!
You know what I miss? Paper cuts. Felt real.
